The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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