He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So many bounce houses so little time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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