had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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