Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
