We won't sleep together?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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