Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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