Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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