Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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