I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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