if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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