I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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