why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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