Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
