when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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