I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
