is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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