Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
