One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
