Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
