If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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