Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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