If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
