dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
