some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
