Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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