My hair reeks of homosexuality.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
