well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
