Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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