don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
