The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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