THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
