I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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