u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
