You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
