I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
