My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
