So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
