Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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