Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
