You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i think im in europe. pls send help
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
