I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
