I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
