And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
