found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
