too bad you live with your parents still
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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