so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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