So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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