Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
