just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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