Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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