literally had 100 drinks last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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