I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
