i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
